A well-meaning friend of more comfortable means gave me the Canadian edition of this book for my birthday and because I don’t want to lie to her next time I see her, I am reading it. Only I’m treating it as more of a lolcyclopedia than a ~guide to retirement planning~ because the “for everyone” bit that it promises on the back flap is such a lie that it’s FUNNY.
No seriously, this shit is hilarious. It contains choice gems such as “most people don’t know how much money they make after taxes” and “most people don’t know where their money is” along with the suggestion that making more money doesn’t make you richer (because if you don’t put it away for later, you’re not ~really~ rich, hur hur, never mind that you can afford to buy brand new designer clothes every week).
Putting aside $50 a month is as simple as skipping the double nonfat latte and chocolate biscotti every day and drinking the office coffee instead. THE OFFICE COFFEE: because everyone has access to that shit, you know. All the anecdotes are about rich-ass people whose main problem is that they buy shit they don’t need instead of saving so they can be rich-ass when they’re old too. The faces I am pulling as I read this shit oh my god.
I mean, I know that most rich people are completely fucking incapable of understanding what “paycheque to paycheque” (or worse) living actually means, but this guy takes it to hilarious heights. With bonus benevolent sexism! (Did you know women live longer than men and are likelier to end up widowed or get fucked over in a divorce? Well, that just means you need to save MOAR money. HAHAHA)
If a bank is being robbed, women can secrete a substance that simultaneously alerts police and scrambles the vault combinations.
If a cab driver refuses to go to Brooklyn, women can secrete a substance that causes his tires to deflate.
If a kitten is stuck in a tree, women can secrete a substance that forms a wide, soft net.
If you have a bad hangover, women can secrete a substance that goes to the deli and buys aspirin, Gatorade and an egg-and-cheese sandwich.
If the GPS breaks, women can secrete a substance that identifies the exit you need.
If a representative to the United States Congress is a clueless dipshit, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.
we have now progressed from idiocy to misandry
You’re overreacting. Don’t get so emotional.
seriously, why can’t you take a joke? You have no sense of humor.
Laughing at a problem is the only way to make it go away. Do you think anyone’s ever going to want to go out with you if you can’t laugh at yourself?